Suitors of the Week 11

4 Jul

I haven’t posted a Suitors of the Week in awhile and I had a few gems left over from my last few weeks on OKCupid.  It’s true, I deleted my account… this time I think for good.  It was a fun year and half– I met a couple good friends, lots of people who made me laugh (usually unintentionally), and officially not one person I could actually see myself dating.  But thanks for the memories, OKCupid.  Here are some excerpts from my favorite final moments on the website:

Favorite Movies:  “Anything with a good twist at the end like Last of the Mohicans.”

What I’m Doing With My Life:  “I sell ovals.”

I’m Really Good At:  “Counting a lot of ants at one time.”

“Hey, Cute pics!  Crazy question maybe…are you into any kinky stuff? Having your feet worshiped perhaps??”

“Will u be my valintine?”  – A man named Eybal

“My duck breast from last night was a huge success and I even have a small bowl of rendered duck fat left over in my fridge!  What to do, what to do?” – 40 year old bald man whom I gave my number to and then he proceeded to text me about duck breasts for two days.

“What is it going to take for me to get you to go on another date with me?”  – The Law Blob.  We went out twice and struggled both times to have a lively conversation.  He was late, made zero eye contact, rarely smiled, and left after two drinks.  I wrote it off, assuming he was disinterested, but continued to receive texts from him about how I am “purty” and he wants to see me again.  I eventually admitted to him that I didn’t feel like we had anything in common and wasn’t interested in going out again… and then received the above text message two weeks later.

“Instead of naming an exact time to meet, why don’t you just go to the bar after work and maybe I’ll meet you if I end up being down there after dinner.”  – Tim the Buddhist.  He did end up materializing at the bar and texting me to ask where I was– which was back in Brooklyn because I wasn’t about to sit around a bar alone, waiting for a flaky Buddhist to decide to show up.

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3 Responses to “Suitors of the Week 11”

  1. A Collection of Musings July 4, 2013 at 3:16 pm #

    :) you make me feel so much better about my life

  2. Christian July 5, 2013 at 8:50 am #

    Oh man, no more Cupid? What am I going to read on my lunch break?!? I hope you’re working on a book!

  3. dingdongitsmrwrong August 23, 2013 at 5:58 am #

    Congratulations! Both Judgemental Jonah and Milton the Mortician have made the book, Mr Wrong. They were fab and very entertaining. Please send me your email address so I can send you a permission form so that I may publish your contribution. I need the form back asap. Send me an email and I’ll email you one out. Many thanks. Daniella dingdongitsmrwrong@yahoo.co.uk

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