The Showmance

18 Dec

When I was in grad school, I briefly dated a man with really small hands.  The tiniest little marmot paws.  The hands of a child.  And by “dated” I of course mean we had a “showmance.”  For those of you who don’t fancy yourself a current or former thespian, a “showmance” is a melodramatic, often short-lived relationship two people embark upon whilst in a play or some other type of show together.  Everything happens very fast– one day you’re singing and doing light choreography, the next you’re getting groped by miniature extremities in a stairwell.

The show we both happened to be in was a sex musical.  It was based on the book “Sex: An Oral History” and was developed by a fairly esteemed musical theatre duo who decided to workshop it at my school.  The premise was comprised of a series of vignettes, where the main guy travels the country, interviewing a diverse cast of characters about their sexual practices.  In it, I played three different characters: a ditzy coke-head in a night club, a teenaged boy playing basketball and bragging about his sexual exploits with his best friend, and finally, a sexy call girl.

“Dan” played my best friend in the teenaged boy/basketball segment.  So basically, while we were having a showmance, we had to dribble basketballs onstage together, wearing sleeveless Abercrombie tees and singing about “finger-banging” girls.  It takes true talent to pretend to be a boy, dribble a ball, AND sing all at the same time I’ll have you know.

In addition to his petite appendages, he had a lisp and a girlfriend.  She was older and lived in another state.  I like to think her name was Bess, because that is a good name for a squatty older thespian who has a mustache and loves improv.  There was also a rumor going around town that he was bisexual and had propositioned a few gentlemen.  I chose to ignore these minor idiosyncrasies and drink a lot of champagne.  Our showmance ended when the show did– and when he got back together with his ex-girlfriend (don’t they always?)

We ended up making a cast recording of the show, which I am on, singing about losing my virginity and the “pureness” of being a prostitute.  A real family keepsake.  The other day I had my ipod on shuffle and my duet with Dan came on.  I could barely listen through the whole song because it is so silly.  It also reminded me that, after the show ended, we all went to a studio in Boston to record the CD.  Dan’s solo was the last one scheduled to be recorded and mine was one of the first.  His newly re-acquired girlfriend was in town and he was whining about not being able to hang out with her that night.  I, trying to show him that I was unshaken by his dismissal of me, offered to switch time slots.  When it was finally time to record my solo, it was late at night and I was the last one there.  I had fallen asleep in the lobby and on the recording my voice sounds raspy and uneven.  I guess that works for the character of a seasoned hooker, but I was still pissed.  Sometimes I am too nice.

Come to think of it, most of my relationships up until my mid-20s stemmed from showmances.  Maybe that’s why I’m so good at dating!


One Response to “The Showmance”

  1. Joanna December 18, 2012 at 11:44 am #

    I’d love to hear it! Upload mp3 please! :)

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