Another Creepy Artist

19 Aug

The three or four guys from OKCupid that I have actually gone out with more than once generally followed the same pattern.  We meet, hit it off, hang out a few more times, maybe hook up, then they suddenly become really busy, or don’t text me as often, or we stop hanging out all together.  I go back and forth between thinking:

1) It’s not OK that he only texts me when I contact him first/only wants to hang out with me on his timetable which is only about once a month/he’s probably just using me/stop being an idiot and take him out of your phone!

2) It’s cool, man…maybe things will change and he’ll want to hang out more at some point…he’s a guy and he doesn’t think about things the same way I do…he’s busier than I am…and why would he spend time with me at all if he didn’t like me?  (Wait, don’t answer that.)

Surprisingly, I went out again with Jimmy a few weeks ago.  He had stopped talking to me for a couple months, but resurfaced after reading the post I wrote about him.  We agreed to meet for drinks at Art Bar one night after I got out of work.  He was late and while I waited, an incredibly strange individual started talking to me.  I guess I opened up the lines of communication between myself and this man by asking if the seat next to him at the bar was taken.  He looked to be in his late 40s and had on an old suit, a bowler hat, and huge headphones that were connected to a small DVD player which he had situated in front of him on the bar.  I glanced at the screen and it was footage of him walking all over New York City– but he was holding the camera, so you only saw him when he stopped in front of windows to capture his reflection.  The cars, people, buildings, and everything else in the background were sped up with some trippy setting that made the lights and colors flash and pulsate around him.

Once I sat down there was no turning back…he would not stop talking to me, mostly about what is wrong with society today.  His voice sounded exactly like the Cary Grant-esque voice Tony Curtis used in “Some Like it Hot.”  He told me he was a visual artist and spent most of his days stalking the owners and curators of famous art galleries, trying to get an “in” for his work.  Subsequently, he had been black-listed from several galleries.  Something about him struck me as not-quite-all-there, and I texted Jimmy to hurry up and get there.  I told the man where I worked and said he would love for me to come over to his apartment and help him sort through thousands of photographs he had taken, dating back to the eighties.  He wanted me to tell him which pieces were by the designer I work for so he could put them all together and present it to him.  Oh god.  Jimmy finally arrived as the strange man began showing me the video of himself walking around, which allegedly went on for hours and hours.  Jimmy was still wearing the garb from the soccer game he had come from and he shot the guy dirty looks when he continued to talk to me even though my “date” had arrived.  Things got awkward when the man tried to shake Jimmy’s hand and he refused, so I suggested we go to another bar.  On our way out, the man stopped me to give me his card and a CD of instrumental music he had apparently made.  I felt bad for him and had had a few glasses of wine, so I gave him one of my email addresses- which he emailed three times that very night.

The rest of the night with Jimmy was uneventful.  I asked him why he had been absent for months then decided to go out with me again after reading my blog post (in which I lovingly refer to him as a sex addict).  He shared that he had been seeing someone and it was getting kind of serious, but he was pretty sure he was “over it.”  I asked if he met her on OKCupid and he said yes, he had met her before he met me and had been seeing her the whole time.  Well, that explains a lot.  I went back to his place with him, only because I was too tired to trek all the way back to Brooklyn.  Once there, I immediately fell asleep.  I woke up while it was still dark out and stopped at McDonald’s for a smoothie (witnessing a tranny hooker oatmeal argument in the process) before getting a cab back to Brooklyn.

I haven’t seen Jimmy since (no big surprise there).  However, I did have another sighting of the peculiar guy from Art Bar.  I was enjoying some sushi a couple days ago when a man walked in, sat down, and began singing loudly to whatever music was coming out of his gigantic headphones.  I looked up to glare at him and was horrified to see who it was.  He had on the same suit, complete with bowler cap and extremely loud voice.  There was only one other sushi patron aside from us, but he yelled across the whole restaurant for iced green tea and low-sodium soy sauce.  When he got his soy sauce, he scooped a dollop of wasabi into the sauce dish and hammered it loudly with his chopsticks.  At one point, he started making wet hacking noises like a cat dealing with a pesky hair-ball.  I could feel him staring at me, trying to place where he knew me from, so I downed my sushi faster than I knew was possible.  As I was signing my bill, he pulled out the same DVD player and put on the same DVD he had been watching at Art Bar, months earlier.  I guess he just sits around every day in various establishments watching a video of himself walking around.  I prayed he wouldn’t say anything to me as I passed him on my way to the door.  Not three strides from the door he loudly bellowed “Excuse me!” and my stomach sunk.  The rest of his sentence, “Could I please have another green tea!” came and I safely exited the restaurant and made it back to work without incident.

I’ll never know if the creepy artist recognized me that day or not.  What I do know is that I never answered his emails, and his CD ended up in the mailbox belonging to the drug den in my neighborhood.  I hope they enjoyed his jams.

I know I keep saying this, but this time I mean it.  I seriously need to be more selective about who I give my phone number/email address to.  Like, maybe not a 48-year-old artist with Asperger’s and a portable DVD player.

Hey, at least this one didn’t paint with his ballsack.


2 Responses to “Another Creepy Artist”

  1. Czarina Krystina (@xoxokrystie) August 23, 2012 at 4:33 pm #


    (Serious note: your blog is amazing.)

    • WhatsInTheBoxBlog August 23, 2012 at 4:48 pm #

      AH how embarrassing. Thank you for the correction AND the compliment!

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