My Compatibility Quiz

22 Jul

As I’ve previously discussed, OKCupid uses hundreds of multiple choice questions to determine user match percentages.  Allegedly the questions were written by users on the website- not the administrators.  Many of these questions are basically asking the same thing in a variety of different ways.  In order to see how other users answer each question, I have to answer them myself, which is a real pain in the ass.   So lately I’ve been handcrafting some questions of my own.  I feel they really get down to business rather than pussy-footing around the subject of compatibility.  And yes, I just used the phrase “pussy-footing around.”  Go ahead, check ‘em out:

________________

1.  Have you ever eaten a Pupperoni?

a.  Yes, and I enjoyed myself.

b.  No, and I would never.

c.  No, but I would like to.

d.  Yes, and I did not enjoy myself.

_______________

2.  How many times have you tried to get into your apartment using your Metrocard?

a.  Never, that’s stupid.

b.  1-5 times.  Whoopsie.

c.  5-20 times.  I occasionally shoot Jager.

d.  20-100 times.  I rarely know what’s going on.

________________

3.  If a genie granted you 3 wishes, what would you wish for?

a.  A trillion dollars.

b.  World peace.

c.  More genies.

d.  Nude genies.

________________

4.  Forget ______, let’s ______.

a.  Going to bars;  Balance our checkbooks together.

b.  TV; Read the bible.

c.  Talking; Bone.

d.  Procreation; Adopt multiple children from Africa.

_______________

5.  What do you say when someone tells you they love you?

a.  I love you, too.

b. Thanks!

c.  LOL.

d.  Girl I know, I know.

_______________

6.  When you lose weight where does it go?

a.  Into your muscles.

b.  Into thin air.

c.  Out of your ass.

d.  To someone deemed “naughty” by Santa.

_______________

7.  What is the scariest thing a woman can do?

a.  Talk about commitment.

b.  Take her clothes off.

c.  Not take her clothes off.

d.  Break wind.

_______________

8.  Do you own any petrified wood?

a.  What’s that?

b.  Yes!  From combing the beach with Uncle Russell as a kid.

c.  No, that’s weird.

d.  Sometimes, when I watch scary porn.

_______________

9.  Out of these options, which is your favorite U.S. President?

a.  Taft.

b.  Clinton.

c.  Polk.

d.  Nixon.

_______________

10.  Which of these options sounds like the best first date?

a.  Getting liquified then getting matching tattoos.

b.  Going on a bike ride then learning Braille together.

c.  Reading The Economist out loud to each other whilst giving back rubs.

d.  A Mexican fiesta and a game of Uno.

________________

If you answered A, B, D, C, D, D, C, D, B, D… We are compatible!  Now accepting applications, inquire within.

I’m going to submit these questions to OKCupid, because if they don’t relay what kind of person you are, I don’t know what will.  I will be aiding in thousands of lost souls finding their mate.  It reminds me of my former roommate who worked at a DSW.  Her job title was “Mismatch Specialist” which meant she went on scavenger hunts searching for lost shoe mates all day long.   I had no idea jobs like this existed… but if there are Mismatch Specialists for shoes, why not have Mismatch Specialists for people?

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2 Responses to “My Compatibility Quiz”

  1. editrixabby November 20, 2012 at 6:59 pm #

    Holy crap, you’re hilarious. Finally, a blog I can follow. Don’t tell all the other folks who follow and “like” MY blog…cause they mostly suck. One (possibly annoying) question: Why no “About?”

    • WhatsInTheBoxBlog November 20, 2012 at 7:22 pm #

      Thank you! And that’s not annoying at all… I am keeping my blog anonymous for the time being so I don’t get pushed in front of a moving train by guys I’ve blogged about. However, I guess I could still do an “About” without including my name. I’ll have to figure out how to do that hahah

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