Big Gay Pelican

22 Jul

Last week, a flamboyant pelican with science goggles, a lab coat, and an impressive beak messaged me.

PELICAN:  Greetings!  I volunteer with a children’s theater group.  I’d love to share art and stories with you sometime.  Message me back if you want!

ME:  Nice goggles… I was once a thespian.  How was your weekend?

PELICAN:  My weekend was amazing.  I did yoga yesterday that left me feeling like a changed man; seriously, I was afterglow-ing for hours, it was devastating.  How about you?  Anything on your mind lately?

ME:  Oh my… My weekend was good.  Went to the pool today, going to a wild game restaurant later with my mom’s ex-boyfriend from high school.  How about you?

PELICAN:  Wish I could say my Thursday was as interesting as meeting MY parent’s former lovers, but unfortunately these are my busiest days at work.  I managed to find time to make myself some nice banana bread tonight, so I guess that’s something.  Let me know when you can meet up!

ME:  Banana bread rules.  I made scallops with herb butter sauce tonight, and earl grey lemon bars for dessert.  I have time this week if you’d like to meet.

PELICAN:  Your scallops meal sounds intoxicatingly delicious.  My goodness me!  I hope that you can tell me more about those lemon bars, and maybe even share the recipe with me.  I am pretty doggone busy this week, but I’d love to meet up maybe Saturday sometime?

PELICAN:  Sorry I didn’t get back to you, so much has been happening!  And (full disclosure) it looks like things are surprisingly starting to get a wee bit serious between me and a lady, so this is probably a poor time for me to be meeting new people, even if those people seem awesome and make delicious-sounding delicacies and then describe them to me lavishly.  Anyway, I know this is a strange message, but I figure an honest update is better than the standard ignore, so there you have it.  Best wishes.

First of all, hats off to you for letting me know that you are getting a “wee bit serious” with a “lady”… but I can’t help but wonder who the lady in the relationship really is.  “After-glowing for hours, it was devastating!”??  Not even that obnoxious, sex-pot character from “Sex and the City” would say that.  I will try not to shed a tear as I come to terms with the fact that we will never share the afterglow of a yoga class or a recipe for lemon bars… but I already have a lot of girlfriends.  May things work out with you and your lady and may you scoop many fish into your lengthy beak to share with her during an “intoxicatingly delicious” picnic on the beach.  Godspeed, gay pelican, godspeed.

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