Mr. Right

16 Jul

I was supposed to go on a date tonight, but canceled after he couldn’t even make it through the scheduling phase without exhibiting the fact that he is psychotic.  This guy’s profile pictures were very odd, so I thought he might be entertaining at the very least.  His first picture was of him, shirtless and stoned, holding a big glass pipe.  His second picture was him, shirtless again, wearing boxing gloves and showing off his Sisqo “Unleash the Dragon” tattoo.  The next picture was him modeling some man-flares on a mountain top, and the last picture was apparently taken in 2007 and featured him with a large amount of eyeliner, lipstick, and spiky, bright red hair.  The majority of his profile revolved around how he’s smarter than everyone because he was a bioengineering major, and his “About Me” section said:  “Let me answer your questions for you before you ask them:  Yes, I’m really 6’2”.  No, nothing I say is serious.  No, I didn’t read your profile….Please don’t be stupid or crazy….I’ll only go out on Tuesday nights, because my Saturdays are reserved for people I actually like.”

Last night I got a text that just said “Hey stranger.”  I wrote back “Who is this?” and he responded with “Mr. Right.  Let’s meet tomorrow at 9pm.  47th and 6th.”  This is the conversation that followed:

ME:  Lower Manhattan would be better for me.  What did you have in mind?

HIM:  Let’s get drinks, what else would we do ride unicorns? LOL

ME:  It’d be awesome if you’d consider venturing downtown a bit… but if not, I can go to Midtown- just tell me a place.

HIM:  I already told you 47th and 6th.  And what’s with girls asking me what are we gonna do as if they’ve never gone out with a guy for drinks before.  It’s like, you already know the answer, no need to ask.

ME:  I hope you can explain the way things work to me further when we meet.  Give me a bar location.  I don’t meet on street corners.

HIM:  I never understood that.  What’s so bad about a corner?  Every so often I meet a girl who has a thing against waiting at the corner and they’re always so serious about it.

ME:  Because waiting on a corner is silly when you can just go to the destination right off the bat.  Why do like meeting on corners?

HIM:  In case I need to escape.  I had to do that last Friday…

ME:  Wow, this is turning into a lot of trouble.

HIM:  Are you sure the trouble isn’t stemming from you questioning everything I say and then me having to explain it to you?  Also I hope you realize you’ve asked me what we’re gonna do 3 times now.  What kind of drug are you on? LOL

ME:  There is a difference between joking around/not taking anything seriously and being totally abrasive.  I’m not going up to Midtown just to wait for someone on a street corner so he can size me up before deciding if he wants to stand me up or not.

DELETE.

Well, that’s the last time I give someone my phone number based solely on the fact that they have a Sisqo tattoo.

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