Rules & Regulations

13 Jul

If you asked me a year ago about the “type” of guy I am into, I would’ve probably responded with “Tall, and dark-haired.”  That hasn’t changed, but, thanks to my newfound experience in blind dating, I have developed a clearer picture of what I look for in a man.  I can’t lie– I love dudes.  Guys who like sports, eat meat, drink beer, and dress well enough… but not TOO well.  Men that wear designer clothing and are into fashion are a turn off.  Men who do yoga, stuff their junk into spandex pants, do cleanses, and watch their figure are a turn off.  Intelligent men who are funny, can take a joke, know the difference between “your” and “you’re, and are good at writing are a turn on.

Back in December, I laid down some ground rules for men on OKCupid:

1.  Must be over 5’11.  (This rules out about 95% of the website and maybe 75% of Manhattan.  The odds are not in my favor.)  ***I have since upped this requirement to 6 feet***

2.  Must be over 26, and under 40.  ***This is now 26-36***

3.  Must not use “OMG” “LOL” “Kewl” or “Laters.”  (This really should apply to everyone in life, but it’s much more offensive coming from a straight adult male.)

4.  No white pants, man flares, Steve Madden dress shoes, or eyeliner. (Graphic tees are not preferred but can be allowed on a case-to-case basis.) ***Add to this- no shoes with toe slots, Jncos, outdoorsman gloves, jazz shoes, rosary beads, spandex, or any pants tighter than mine.***

5.  Do not ask me to Skype with you.  (For some reason meeting someone for the first time in person is way less creepy than meeting them on a computer screen while you’re sitting alone in your room drinking a Mango Madness Snapple next to your dirty underwear.)

6.  Absolutely no ice chewers.  (You could be the most amazing person on the planet, but the second you pop that cube in your mouth, it’s over between us.)

7.  Must have lips.  (I am not physically attracted to terriers.)

 

When I made these rules for my potential dates, I forgot to make some rules for myself as well.  Here are my new rules:

1.  Use caution when giving my name out to strangers from the internet.  My first name is unique and it’s extremely easy to google me and find out all of my secrets!  My middle name, on the other hand, is one of the most common female names ever… so maybe I should start using that for anonymity…

2.  DO NOT under any circumstances tell guys from OKCupid about my blog, even if we hit it off.

3.  DO NOT go over to anyone’s place the first night I meet them.  I am a lady.

4.  DO NOT sample anyone’s wares on the first, second, OR third date.  As my Grandma says “There is nothing wrong with a roll in the hay… as long as they know that’s all it is.”

5.  If I hang out with someone multiple times and perhaps even start to like him a little,  DO NOT ask him about the other girls he is going out with from OKCupid.  At the time, it always seems like a good idea… It’s not.

6.  Must wear pants on dates.  Or skirts, dresses, etc.  No long t-shirts paired with only undies and a harness boot.  That happened.

 

Two weeks ago, I disabled my account on OKCupid and took a break from dating.  Time to get back on the horse!

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2 Responses to “Rules & Regulations”

  1. creativebetty July 13, 2012 at 11:37 am #

    Favourite line: “There is nothing wrong with a roll in the hay… as long as they know that’s all it is!!”

  2. sweatysweetie March 7, 2013 at 8:37 am #

    Reblogged this on Sweaty Sweetie and commented:
    I love these rules for both her and her dates on OkCupid. That’s also one of the sites I’m on… I’m going to have to create my own list like this.

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