Things Not To Say on a Blind Date

28 May

Let’s take a quick break from poking fun at other people and turn it around on myself.  I don’t have much of a filter…which can make for some “Oh shit, I said that?!” moments the next morning.  Here are a few things I have caught myself saying out loud on dates the past couple months:

“I’ll give you fifty dollars if you stick this wing in that dude’s fro.”

“I used to hate mushrooms because of the texture.  I forced myself to like them by eating them every day until I enjoyed it.  For example, if you didn’t like the feel of a rabbit’s fur, but you stroked one every day…eventually you would like it very much.”

“Did you first contact me the day that I had a picture of my ass up?”

“I had to change my clothes in the cab on the way over so I wouldn’t look like a lesbian nursing home attendant when we met.”

“What’s your take on loin cloths?”

“I know how the people on The X Files felt because I was subjected to multiple research studies while I lived in Boston.”

“How much hair is hiding underneath that shirt of yours?” (As I unbutton his entire shirt in the middle of a bar, 40 minutes after meeting him.)

“I’m not Russian, you are.”  (After a Russian guy asked why I was rushing.)

“I have a blog about blind dating.”

“You can read my blog, just don’t read the one where I shaved in some guy’s sink.”

“The eagle has landed.”

“You smell like a cedar sock block.”

“The last guy I went on a blind date with brought me a keychain…”

“Wait, what was your name again?”

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3 Responses to “Things Not To Say on a Blind Date”

  1. idiotprufs May 28, 2012 at 11:10 am #

    There may be some insight here as to why you go on so many blind dates.

    • WhatsInTheBoxBlog May 28, 2012 at 12:42 pm #

      Oh, undoubtedly! But what else would I have to write about if I were a docile lady? Thanks for reading!

      • WhatsInTheBoxBlog May 28, 2012 at 1:46 pm #

        Not to mention 90% of the people I go on blind dates with are weirdos.

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