Suitors of the Week 2

11 May

It’s been awhile since I shared some gems from my inbox… so here are a few extra special messages I’ve received recently:

(May 2, 2012)    “This is obviously a long shot as I’m emphatically not looking for a romantic relationship at present, and, in any case, I actually do realize that I am too old for you (I’m 60). But I appreciate intelligent, younger woman, and our 90% match rate at least indicates compatibility on some level. So I’d appreciate it if you would read my profile and let me know if having someone like me available might give you more time for your sales career, or just for relaxing. Or if it perhaps might simply be an interesting age/gender experiment.” — Wait, I’m confused…what exactly is he offering?  I don’t need a personal assistant and I am certainly not interested in conducting any sort of  experiment that undoubtedly would require me seeing someone naked who is old enough to be my father.


(April 30, 2012)     “I am an artist and any relationship of any type for me goes first through images. I am working on a project invovling pictures of women smoking –especially if they are tall. Would like to take yours. Not only I consume art, am consumed by it, but also I frequently exibit mine and write about other people’s. I believe that posesivness is a negative trait. Everything else can be everything else.” — First of all, put down the doobie and get a life.  Second of all, I would hate to read anything written by this person about art, considering a simple spellcheck is evidently beyond his comprehension.  “Everything else can be everything else”?  I want to throw expired cold cuts at his face.


(April 23, 2012)     “Hello, I am a massage therapist that works in Manhattan.  Would you be interested in coming over so I can treat you to a full-body massage?  I see it as a unique and beneficial way of introducing myself.  I promise you’ll love it ; )” — Whoa.  I can’t help but wonder if anyone he’s sent this to has actually taken him up on his offer.  Maybe I’m jaded, but going to a stranger’s apartment for a massage sounds like the subject of an episode of 48 Hours.  I felt like I needed to take a shower after reading this.


(April 2, 2012)  HIM:  “Hey there, How are you? Just wanted to say cool profile, and to see if you wanted to talk on the phone & go out for dinner some night? P.S. great pics by the way : )”

(April 3, 2012)  ME:  “I don’t like talking on the phone.  Sorry.”

(April 3, 2012)  HIM:  “Text then?  My number is 917-817-**** : )”

(April 18, 2012)  HIM:  “Hey there, How are you? Just wanted to say cool profile, and to see if you wanted to talk on the phone & go out for drinks/dinner some night? P.S. great pics by the way : )”

(April 18, 2012)  ME:  “Hi you messaged me the same thing a couple weeks ago. What’s up.”

(April 18, 2012)  HIM:  “I like your profile and pics… We should definitely go out some night, I’m sure we would have a great time : )  Would you like to talk on the phone?”

(April 19, 1012)  ME:  “Wow deja vu. As I told you before, I don’t like talking on the phone.”

(April 19, 2012)  HIM:  “Ok, lets text then : ) How’s everything going?   My number is 917-817-****.”

(April 24, 2012)  HIM:   “Hey there : ) Shoot me a text later…. 917-817-****”

(April 30, 2012)  HIM:  “When are we going to text sexy? : )”

(May 1, 2012)  HIM:  “Lets make a plan to hang out sexy”

— What is with this guy and talking on the phone?!  He was in his 40s and looked like Ross from “Friends” mixed with a big ol’ baked potato.  If I didn’t text or call you after the first 89 times you gave me your number, maybe you should get the hint.  I’m sure this is not the last I’ll hear from him…


3 Responses to “Suitors of the Week 2”

  1. ifitwasntmylife May 17, 2012 at 9:29 pm #

    Ah! The I take pictures of woman smoking guy emailed me too! I’m going to look back at my emails and see if I saved it…

    • whatsintheboxblog May 17, 2012 at 9:32 pm #

      He is such a creep. I am going to write a post about him soon! I always wonder if other dating website bloggers encounter the same people I do on OKCupid…

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