Grocery Ghosts

13 Feb

A couple days ago, I stopped at Trader Joe’s to procure some ingredients for a big dinner I was planning to make.  Operation “Staying Off the Streets and in the Kitchen” as I like to call it.  As usual, there was a massive line that wrapped halfway around the store and the little dudes in Hawaiian shirts were holding their “End of Line” signs somewhere betwixt the potatoes and the tortillas.  As I rounded the corner to join the line, my eyes locked with a familiar face.  I probably gasped audibly as I retreated and sought refuge in the raw meat aisle.  I looked a mess; no makeup, Thomas Jefferson hair, sweatshirt, and jeans.  Anyone who knows me knows that I rarely wear pants.  If you see me in jeans I’m either having some sort of personal crisis, or it’s a full moon.  I didn’t want to run into this individual looking like this, but was also in a hurry, so I took my chances and got in line.

Five years ago, I went to Pittsburgh to audition for the Civic Light Opera.  I was in school still and had traveled from Boston with an assortment of bright-eyed Sondheim-loving gals.  After the auditions, my classmates wanted to go back to the hotel and go to bed.  I had other ideas.  I met Jerad, with whom I had attended an intensive theatre program in Michigan for a summer when I was seventeen.  He went to college in Pittsburgh and that particular night happened to be his birthday.  We went back to his house where a big party was being held…and drinking games were taking place.  The game was very simple: play “Roxanne” by The Police and every time the name Roxanne is heard, everyone has to drink.  Let me tell you, the chorus in that song repeats a LOT of times.  Next thing I know, Jerad and I are behind closed doors in his room and I am pouring a bottle of expensive whiskey all over his naked body.

Five years later, I was in line at Trader Joe’s, holding shallots and prosciutto while peering creepily at the back of his head.  He was there with a girl, so it turned out neither of us wished to acknowledge the other.  I purchased my groceries and got out of there safe and sound.  That was enough excitement for one day, time to get back to the kitchen.

One Response to “Grocery Ghosts”

  1. shannonsutherland February 13, 2012 at 1:33 pm #

    luv the part about pouring jack daniels on his naked body… great idea!!!!!

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