Grocery Ghosts

13 Feb

A couple days ago, I stopped at Trader Joe’s to procure some ingredients for a big dinner I was planning to make.  Operation “Staying Off the Streets and in the Kitchen” as I like to call it.  As usual, there was a massive line that wrapped halfway around the store and the little dudes in Hawaiian shirts were holding their “End of Line” signs somewhere betwixt the potatoes and the tortillas.  As I rounded the corner to join the line, my eyes locked with a familiar face.  I probably gasped audibly as I retreated and sought refuge in the raw meat aisle.  I looked a mess; no makeup, Thomas Jefferson hair, sweatshirt, and jeans.  Anyone who knows me knows that I rarely wear pants.  If you see me in jeans I’m either having some sort of personal crisis, or it’s a full moon.  I didn’t want to run into this individual looking like this, but was also in a hurry, so I took my chances and got in line.

Five years ago, I went to Pittsburgh to audition for the Civic Light Opera.  I was in school still and had traveled from Boston with an assortment of bright-eyed Sondheim-loving gals.  After the auditions, my classmates wanted to go back to the hotel and go to bed.  I had other ideas.  I met Jerad, with whom I had attended an intensive theatre program in Michigan for a summer when I was seventeen.  He went to college in Pittsburgh and that particular night happened to be his birthday.  We went back to his house where a big party was being held…and drinking games were taking place.  The game was very simple: play “Roxanne” by The Police and every time the name Roxanne is heard, everyone has to drink.  Let me tell you, the chorus in that song repeats a LOT of times.  Next thing I know, Jerad and I are behind closed doors in his room and I am pouring a bottle of expensive whiskey all over his naked body.

Five years later, I was in line at Trader Joe’s, holding shallots and prosciutto while peering creepily at the back of his head.  He was there with a girl, so it turned out neither of us wished to acknowledge the other.  I purchased my groceries and got out of there safe and sound.  That was enough excitement for one day, time to get back to the kitchen.

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One Response to “Grocery Ghosts”

  1. shannonsutherland February 13, 2012 at 1:33 pm #

    luv the part about pouring jack daniels on his naked body… great idea!!!!!

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