Glen Fenn

22 Jan

A few weeks ago I went on a blind date with a garlicky Star Trek fan from Kentucky.  His profile picture was of him with an open-mouth beam, a tiara and a vest with a collage of cat faces on it.  Did I mention he had flaming orange hair?  Upon sitting down at a tiny dive bar in SoHo, he wasted no time in asking me what my favorite kind of dinosaur is.  He barely waited for my answer (the kind that lay polka dot eggs) before launching into a story about how he hates Dave Matthews Band, but used to listen to them in boarding school so girls would make out with him.  While he was recalling this memory, his voice cracked at an opportune moment.  When I complimented him on his impressive vest collection (he also boasted of having one covered in wolves) he simply stated “I don’t find the vests, the vests find me.”

Two beers later, I was listening in awe as Glen told me of his high school job at a cemetery where he cremated bodies.  He worked with a slew of dirty old men who would hide moving toys in with the bodies so that as they were going into the ovens, the younger workers would freak out and think they were still alive.  After my fourth beer on an empty stomach, I was having trouble following his eyes as they darted about the bar.  He also kept high-fiving me, which was wearing out my weary limbs.

Our final conversation consisted of him recommending the movie “Thankskilling” to me, in which the first scene apparently portrays a giant turkey yelling “Nice tits, bitch!” at an unsuspecting woman before he kills her.

All in all, I’d say it was a pretty rad date.  In our two hours together he had not only referred to William Shatner as “Bill,” but had made two, totally separate Grover Cleveland references.  Who knew there were still Grover Cleveland fans out there?

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One Response to “Glen Fenn”

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  1. Where Are They Now? « What's in the Box? - December 26, 2012

    […] sweatpants, but the fact that he is eight years my junior makes me feel really old.  And alone. Glen Fenn – I have run into Glen a few times since our first date.  He is a fun guy and if you are […]

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