Romance Unlimited

10 Dec

I was enjoying some tacos with friends when this individual began messaging me on New York’s finest free dating website.  I always look at their profile before I respond and this one was particularly offensive.  Picture a diminutive anteater with a bewildered expression and the crisp crew neck sweater of an MIT student.  Under “The first thing people notice about me” question on his profile, he wrote: “Y so serious?  I’m focused on chilaxing and can sometimes eat a whole chicken without burping.”  The internet tells me that this guy is 73% my love match and 69% my friend.  Apparently I need to do some work on my profile.  Here is the conversation that followed:

(Nov 27, 2011)

ANTEATER: hi i like ur profile… are u captain planet???

ME: Only sometimes you can eat a whole chicken without burping? Weak, dude.

ANTEATER: i am fragile…..

ME: I would break you.


ME: For starters, I’m 3 inches taller than you.

ANTEATER: i strike from below…..

ME: So does a diet of whole chickens

ANTEATER: hahahhahahaaaaa………dont blame the chicken……
your a vegiterian……..i was susspecting something like that…lol…
u still look pretty tho………dont know why i said that…

The spelling, the pictures, the witty banter… watch out for this one, ladies.


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